I Still Rememeber
by howarkri000
Summary: When a high school girl finds herself in another dangerous situation, she must find the courage to fight the evil, but at what cost?


I Still Remember

Asking him out was so hard. It was even harder to bare the fact that he rejected me. How am I supposed to go on living now? I yearn to see his smile, hear his laugh, and watch him doodle in class. But this year was different from last year; we didn't have the same classes together. Therefore, that yearning I have becomes very overwhelming. My heart sores when I see him in the hallway; even when his eyes dart to the floor when he sees me. Embarrassment never kept me from staring at his face. But it did for him.

My head was in the clouds like my heart, so I barely heard the bell. I waited for the late bell to ring, and then I walked to history class, remembering American History together with Adrian last year. I walked through the door and looked for Autumn. We aren't friends, per say, but we still talk. I sighed when I saw she wasn't in her desk. I sat down.

"Okay, class," Mrs. Bittel started to announce, "let's finish our notes on Stalin, and when you come back from lunch, it will be a quiet study hall. I have papers to grade."

The class thanked her and we took notes. I wasn't really paying attention. When the bell rang, I waited for the halls to clear and then met Jamie outside the door.

"So guess what happened in class today." Jamie, my best friend, exclaimed.

"I don't know." I smiled. "Your class is nuts."

After lunch, I said good-bye to Jamie and walked into the classroom once more. I retrieved my English homework and started it. Most of the class gabbed about idiotic topics. I did, however, chuckle when Alex smacked Nathan in the face by accident, and Nathan jumped up and screamed, "Son of a bitch that HURT." Mrs. Bittel was yelling at him now.

But I was only half listening. Just then there was a knock at the door, and Adrian appeared.

I slumped further into my chair.

"Mrs. Bittel?" Adrian asked.

Mrs. Bittel looked up, "Yes?"

"Can I stay here while my class takes an oral quiz?" Adrian stated, his face tomato red.

"Sure. You can take a seat behind Alysyn."

_Oh, Crap._

Adrian's eyes darted around the room until they spotted me sitting erect in the back right seat. If Autumn were here, he wouldn't be able to sit there.

_Oh, Autumn, why?_

"Okay." Adrian stammered, and then stumbled to the desk behind me.

I got hot and sticky. It made me remember what happened to me and I started to hyperventilate.

At once, everybody, except Adrian (He didn't know what was going on) got up. I tried to breathe, but I just couldn't. I just watched as the others students and Mrs. Bittel looked at me, worry painted on their faces.

"Adrian, you're scaring her. You need to move." Mrs. Bittel was calm.

Adrian looked so confused and I wished I could tell him; tell him about my sickness; my phobia. But I couldn't breathe, let alone explain. So I sat, hyperventilating, wishing Adrian would move so I could breathe. If he didn't, I'd have to try, and I wasn't sure I had it in me. But Adrian did eventually move away, and I slowly stopped hyperventilating.

He was looking right at me now. I was surprised.

"Adrian," I started to explain, "I have a condition, and you just activated it. It's not your fault, you didn't know." I stared at him, and he stared back.

"What did I do wrong?" Adrian inquired.

"You got too close." I explained.

"I'm sorry." Adrian exclaimed.

"It's okay. You didn't know." I repeated.

"It's not okay." Adrian said.

"I'm fine now." I soothed again.

I got up to signal I was fine and everybody slowly sat back down. I stood erect while they did so.

"Adrian," Mrs. Bittel said suddenly," maybe you should go to a different room. I don't think you should be around Alysyn right now."

"No," I said quickly, not wanting him to leave, "I'm okay now."

She didn't look convinced.

"I'm okay, I swear." I paused and then looked at Adrian. "Just don't come too close, and sit down slowly."

Adrian did so; slow and as far away as the chair would allow.

"Okay, class, nothing more to see now, back to study hall." Mrs. Bittel scolded.

I sighed in relief. Nobody was looking at me; except Adrian, he was staring right at me. I could feel his stare burning into my back. I turned to look at him after I had sat back down.

"What?" I asked, a little rudely.

"What happened to you just now?" His face was solemn.

"I don't want to talk about it." I begged. I turned around and glanced at the clock above my head. I had fifteen more minutes and then I could leave for fifth period. I know Adrian won't follow me because I have to leave earlier; all because of my newly found phobia. But I couldn't think about my newly found phobia. I could start to hyperventilate again.

I squirmed. _I am SO uncomfortable! I bet I'd be comfortable in Adrian's arms-_

_NO! I can't! He doesn't like me that way. I have to stop yearning. I have to stop, stop this madness in my head, and that man…._

_I need to cry, but I can't. I'm in school. The other students already talk about me and my phobia. I don't need them seeing me cry, too._

I glanced at the clock again. I only passed three minutes with my puny thoughts. It would be a long thirteen minutes.

I turned back to Adrian. "I want to tell you, for so many reasons," I whispered, "But it's something horrible and I don't want to ruin our friendship, if we even have one. And I don't want to scare you away either." I finished.

"You didn't scare me away." He protested.

"I did when I sent you a card with my number on it. I scared you."

"No you didn't. I was scared, yes, but not in the way you think. I was- am, scared, of falling in love."

I stared at him like he had just told a bad joke. I didn't say anything for a long time, and then I said, "I don't know what to say," which _was_ true.

I craned my neck and gazed once more at the clock. I had two minutes. _Wow, that went fast._ _I wish a magical thing happened and I could stay here with Adrian…_

"May I have your attention, please," the intercom spoke, "Due to some unfortunate instances, we will be remaining in fourth period until further notice. Do not leave the room, and teachers, please follow the proper procedures for a lock down. Thank you."

_Well, that wasn't quite what I had in mind; imminent death, not on my agenda. _

"Everybody stay quiet and don't panic." Mrs. Bittel made a gesture for everybody to convene in the back of the room, where I was. So, of course, I started hyperventilating again.

"Stop touching her!" Mrs. Bittel screamed.

Nobody paid attention, excited to be missing class. Apparently nobody heard "lock down," just "remaining in fourth period." So I continued to hyperventilate. I watched my skin start to transform to a light blue. The world became less "there." Adrian came and grabbed my arm and led me to the other back corner. We sat down on the floor under a table. I was still hyperventilating so Adrian slid away. But I just continued to hyperventilate.

I don't know why. Maybe it was because Adrian moved away. Who knows? He must have thought the same thing, because he slid back beside me, so that our hands were locked together and our shirts grazed one another's. I instantly stopped hyperventilating.

"I can't believe it." Adrian murmured.

"What?" I breathed.

"I helped you to take breaths." He said in amazement.

"Yeah, you did." I smiled while I looked into his eyes; those pretty, perfect eyes.

Then Mrs. Bittel was beside the other students. I knew that "lockdown" means somebody's in the school who's not supposed to be. So I took my phone out to see if the district had sent out a text message. They had. Apparently there's some lunatic in the school with a gun. Adrian and I both read the message in its entirety, and gasped when we read the last words, "Nobody is expected to get out. Sorry." What kind of message is that?

So Adrian and I sat there, under the table, holding hands. We'd look at each other every so often, and then stare at the chalkboard. We'd jump when the sound of a shot rang out throughout the halls of the school. Sometimes there were way too many for anybody's comfort. When it was dark out, I noticed police lights. But that means they know, not that they can do anything, if they were even planning anything. Maybe there were thousands of ambulances waiting to take our bodies away….

I sighed.

"What?" Adrian whispered.

"The police are out there, yet we're still in here." I stated flatly.

"Oh, well they'll do something." Adrian encouraged.

"Sure they will, even at the cost of the "Men in Blue." I said sarcastically.

"Didn't you want to go into law enforcement? What's with the sour mouth?" Adrian was still whispering, but it seemed pressed.

"I lost faith." I said flatly again.

"Why?" Adrian asked.

"It has to do with what why I hyperventilated before, why I can't be near most people."

"You're near _me."_ Adrian pointed out.

"That's why I said _most._ Anyway, _that's_ what you point out?" I inquired.

"Okay, is this the right question? "What happened to you that you hyperventilate and can't get near _most_ people?" Adrian said, a bit amusingly.

I couldn't help but giggle. Mrs. Bittel glared at us. "All right, I'll tell you, but I don't want everybody here to know too. You got a notebook and pencil?"

Adrian moved to his desk and grabbed his history notebook and pencil, and I wrote, with some difficulty, what happened to me two months ago.

It was Friday, November 18th, and I was outside taking pictures. I strayed from home and got lost. Then I noticed I dropped my phone. I blundered through the forest looking for it. I heard a noise. I stopped and listened. This man appeared. I hid. Somehow he knew I was there. He hit me; multiple times. I couldn't run. He had hand cuffs. He cuffed me to a tree. I'm sure I don't have to say what he did next. He left and I laid there on the ground, smelling the leaves and the cold and feeling numb. The police eventually found me. I think my mom said it was a day later when they did. I don't know. All I know is, I scream when anybody touches me. It turned into hyperventilation. I have to come to school later than everybody else to avoid the crowds. You'd think it'd be nice, but I have a hard time sleeping. Nightmares. I have some phobia now. I can't be touched. I can't be near people. You saw what takes place when that happens.

Adrian didn't look at what I was writing, and he kept a blank face, staring at the chalkboard, while I wrote. He kept that same blank face while I passed the notebook and pencil back. He read, wrote, and passed.

Do you know if this phobia is curable? Do you take medication, if you don't mind me asking?

It's curable. I have to take medication for anxiety and undergo intense psychiatric rehabilitation. BTW, I don't mind you asking. I told you something that's not normal. I expected questions. Ask anything you want.

Okay. How do you not think about what happened?

I try to play games and focus on my photography to forget for a while, but I never go a day without thinking about it.

There's one more question I have, but I'm afraid to ask.

Adrian showed me the notebook and I nodded my head, letting him know he could ask. He wrote:

I heard somewhere that rape victims can get pregnant if the man didn't use a condom… Is there a chance you're pregnant?

I winced when I read "rape," but I quickly pushed that away.

I'm just a little curious why you thought of that. But since you asked… Yes, I am pregnant. My mom wants me to get an abortion. I refused. That man isn't going to take the last shred of myself, my beliefs, etc., because a part of him is in me, growing a person. The police didn't catch him. That's why I lost my faith in law enforcement. That's part of etc.

I stopped writing and passed the notebook back. I thought of my mom and looked at my phone; twenty-five messages and ten calls. _Nice. If my phone was on, the gunman could have heard and came for me. _I hit "reply."

_Mom, calm down. I and the baby are fine. Don't contact me again. If that man hears, he'll come for me. Just stay cool. I'm fine. Luv ya ;)_

I hit send and then sat my phone down. Adrian was staring. What at, I don't know. He hadn't written anything, and I wondered if this was the time to tell him all this. Then I remembered that he liked me, and I liked him, so he was bound to find out. I just hope he can deal. I really need him right now.

I noticed it was ten, just before my phone's screen went black. _I'm so tired. But can I sleep? Who knows? Everybody else seems to be- and the teacher! How could she? The school is on lockdown! She _so_ wouldn't win _Teacher-of-the-Year_! And now I'm hungry…_ I sighed.

"Adrian, are you all right?" I asked, suddenly remembering him there.

"I'm fine. I should be asking you that."

"People can't ask questions when there're in shock." I stated.

"I'm not in shock!" he shot back, defensive.

I chuckled. "Okay, whatever you say. I'm gonna try and go to sleep."

"Do you need something for a provisional pillow?" Adrian asked.

"No, I have my jack-" I looked at my backpack thrown under a desk too close to the larger group for my comfort. Adrian followed my gaze.

"You want your jacket?"

"Yes, please." My shoulders sagged. How can a person be independent when they have to rely on other people?

Adrian got up and moved to my backpack. Soon I was lying on my jacket, which was lying on Adrian's stomach. I felt safe, ironically. I truly felt safe. I closed my eyes, felt the rise and fall of my head, and it must not have been long before I must've fallen asleep, because that's the last thing I remember….

The sound of shots woke me up. They were definitely closer. It's still dark out. Adrian didn't say anything, but I could tell he wanted me to get my head off his stomach. I felt the rush in my veins and arteries and my heart rate go up. When I sat up, these feelings heightened. Waking up to shots wasn't exactly "normal." Then I got the pressure; the pressure that I had to release; the pressure that could get me killed….

I had to pee.

"Adrian, I have to pee." I whispered, the adrenaline flowing greatly through my veins now.

"I think a bunch of people do. But you heard what the person on the intercom said, "Nobody leaves." Adrian whispered back.

"Adrian, remember what I told you earlier? It's not exactly my choice when I pee anymore." I reminded him.

"Oh, right. Well, how would you like to leave? Mrs. Bittel isn't going to let you."

"Mrs. Bittel," Zach said, "I really need to pee. I haven't used the lavatory since lunch. That was like sixteen hours ago!"

"Zach, keep your voice down! Nobody is leaving this room!" Mrs. Bittel was stern.

"I'm going," I stated, "because I'm not staying here with you. You fell asleep with the rest of us. What kind of teacher are you?"

There were gasps from the rest of the classroom. As to why, who knows? It could have been either me saying I'm leaving or that the teacher was sleeping.

Zach stood up. "I'll come with you. I don't wanna be here anymore." When I gave a face, Zach added, "I won't follow too close."

At that, I nodded my head. "Adrian," I whispered, "Can you grab my purse?"

"Sure."

I walked to the door while Adrian fetched my purse. When he joined me, Mrs. Bittel said, "Don't bother coming back."

"I never said we were-or wanted to." I pointed out.

Adrian and I left, with Zach following. As I made my way to the restroom, I noticed all the classroom doors were all still closed, lights turned out, and silent throughout. There was no indication that the gunman had been in this hallway. There weren't any blood stains on the wall or floor, and no other evidence to suggest any disturbance in this hallway.

Once at the restroom, I took my pill and emptied myself. Then I slowly walked back into the hallway and slumped against the wall by the water fountains. Adrian and Zach weren't out yet. I wondered where we should go. Actually, I was wondering where we _shouldn't_ go. I listened for a sound, any at all, but none were there to be heard. _Maybe we could go to the cafeteria. There's food there and I need to eat since I'm feeding two. . ._

Zach came out first. He stayed by the men's room, far away from me.

"Thanks." I murmured.

"For what?"

"For respecting the fact that I need space." I explained.

"Oh, sure. . . Do you not like us or something? You never really speak to anyone and now you're like… this." Zach stated.

"Zach," I lectured, "I don't know you very well, and frankly, I don't want to know you. Who do you think you are, asking me something like that? That's really low." I was annoyed now.

Just then, Adrian came out and Zach said, "Maybe we should try to go outside. It's the perfect opportunity."

_Stupidity. _"Zach. Adrian. _I'm _going to the cafeteria. Adrian, you understand why. Follow if you wish-or not. Your choice."

I started walking cautiously down the hallway, stopping every so often to listen. All was clear, and soon I made it to the cafeteria. Adrian and Zach were behind me, although my speech left them bewildered for a minute before they started to follow. They didn't bother catching up.

I went into the lunch room and about fainted. Lying on the floor, were many bodies shot to death. Lunch ended early apparently. I stepped over the bodies and went in search of food. I heard two gasps come from behind me. I ignored them and continued to rifle for food until I found some chips and water. Then I took up residence in a table by the doors.

"How did you do it?" Adrian asked.

"What? Step over those bodies?" I asked.

"Yeah. Zach about toppled over. How _did_ you do it?"

"I honestly think that it might hit me later, but right now I'm numb. All I can think about is how I can live to see another day." I examined.

I looked at them both, and Adrian understood; it was because of my pill.

"So now what?" I inquired. I was anxious to see what they thought - and why there weren't eating.

"Well, I guess we could go outside when you're done." Zach said, pointing to the doors opposite the side of the cafeteria which we were on.

_Oh, so they think we're getting out of here easily. And he_ guesses_?! _

"You do realize that the place is surrounded by the SWAT team and they'll shoot you as soon as you step outside?" It was still dark out, and nobody could be seen, but that didn't mean much.

"There's nobody out there! And even if there is, they wouldn't shoot a student!" Zack protested.

"Oh, you're right. I'm wrong." I said, sarcastic. "Go out there. Get shot." I stated. I was worried Adrian believed Zach.

"Fine, I will." Zach boasted. "I'll show you."

Zach stood up and turned around. He darted for the door. If Adrian had wanted to protest, there wasn't time. The minute the door opened, he was shot dead. I closed my eyes and turned my head away. I don't know what Adrian did.

"I told him." I modestly boasted, then continued eating.

After some time of silence I said, "I must seem cold hearted, just letting him go…" I was talking primarily to myself.

"It's every man for himself. We saw that with Mrs. Bittel."

"Yeah. If she lives, I'm reporting her." I stared at Adrian. "Would you really leave me here, if it meant saving your own life?"

"No. I love you. I'd never leave you–I won't leave you. I'm here following you."

Adrian's "speech" made me cry. I looked at the snow pressing up against the windows. After I calmed down, I looked at him. He was staring at the doors leading out of the cafeteria. I smiled. I was comforted for the first time in months.

After a long time of silence, Adrian suggested, "I think we should call the police and say we're coming out." He was serious.

"You can, but I'm gonna stay and attempt to help the rest who," I indicated to the dead bodies, "Haven't died."

Adrian sighed. "If we survive this, I'll be torn between dating a nice, kind-hearted woman, or a crazy lunatic."

I smiled. "Ha-ha. But I'm serious. I want to help." I repeated.

"I know. That's what's scaring me." He paused, thoughtful. "But I said I would follow you. Besides, you _are_ carrying a child and stuff."

"Oh, you're too kind." I said, smug. "I'm so glad _that's_ the reason. But honestly, thanks."

"You're welcome."

Everything was quire. How could this happen to someone like me? How could my life become this? I could no longer stand the eerie silence and I had to move, to do _something_, anything. I slammed the table.

"Alysyn." Adrian said.

"What?" I said, agitated with the silence.

"Please calm down. Everything will be just fine in the end." Adrian reassured.

"If you say so. . ." I was spacy; so spacy.

"At dawn, Adrian and I exited the cafeteria and headed for the weight room hunting for bats to hit with and dumbbells to throw. We attempted to find an inaudible cart to wheel the dumbbells with, but had no luck. We settled for only taking two five pound dumbbells.

We ended up in the boy's locker room, waiting for the perfect moment, the moment when we would be given a clue as to where this man was. Then it came, plain as day.

"I know there's a couple meandering around with bats. When I find you- and I _will_ find you - you're dead." The husky voice warned.

Adrian was silent and I wondered what we could do. _This is bad, but I got cunning on my side._

"I know what we can do!" I half whispered, half screamed.

"What?" Adrian asked, more perked.

"There's only one place in which you can make announcements from." I hinted.

So we ran with our dumbbells and bats to the broadcasting room and ambushed him. It was only the one man. We toppled into him. I hit him with dumbbells while Adrian had the pleasure of breaking every bone in his body. Eventually his body stopped moving, so we stopped hitting. Although I think we both would have liked to have kept going. Then we came out and saw the classroom full of dead high school student across the hall. We were too late. . .

Epilogue

The story had broken national news, because I was the one who saved 300 students. Nobody noticed the 1200 lost. I was a hero.

But soon the rape story was found, and spread through the news like wild fire. After that, I was the victim. I had to drop out of school because of it. (Although, there wasn't really a school left.) I also had a child to give life to.

It's been sixteen years since that horrific day. I gave birth to Serena and raised her myself. She is fully aware of how she came to be, but does not let that get her down.

Adrian and I were together for about what felt like two seconds, before a man decided he was going to blow up a gas station. Adrian died fifteen years ago. I've been alone my whole life. Jaime died-my best friend, there for me through thick and thin. But I wasn't there for her. . . . I never got over my phobia; I'm a recluse now. To this day, I still see the dead bodies and hear the shots.

I found out Mrs. Bittel gave the man the info about Adrian and I. He killed her after she told him. I don't know how she knew.

I stare at these white walls because they won't let me paint them purple.

I still hear the screams and see the dead bodies. I still see his lifeless body with bat wounds. I still see Zach getting shot.

I still see. . .

ocument here...


End file.
